TAEDIOSUS
A Dull TALE About A Bore
Such
a
good
person.
Never
snuck out
late
at
night,
slugged
his
little brother,
burned
an
anthill
with
a
magnifying
glass,
teased
his
neighbor’s
mean
old
dog,
or for that matter,
threw
eggs
at
that
grumpy
neighbor’s
house.
Never cursed.
Never smoked.
Never ingested mind-altering mushrooms.
Never belched, farted, or picked his nose in public.
Never talked back to his mom, dad, grandma, or bullies.
Never short-changed a waiter, waitress, or a newspaper vendor.
Never played “doctor and nurse” with his older sister.
Never went “all the way” or pleasured himself.
Never
hid
in
the
trunk
of
his
friend’s
car
to
sneak
into
a
drive-in
movie.
Never cheated on exams, board games, or taxes.
Never called anyone “dude,” “babe,” “hottie,” “sweety,” “cutie,” or “bitch.”
Never listened to Death Metal, rap, punk, jazz, or trip-hop.
Never rode his bicycle without a helmet.
Never jumped off a garage roof into a pile of leaves.
Never wore black, got a tattoo, or pierced a nipple.
Never
went
a
day
without
twice
brushing
and
flossing
his
teeth.
Never
missed
a
day
of
work,
unless
it
was
his
two-week
vacation.
Never
slept
naked.
Never
slept
in.
Never paid full retail on his underwear or socks.
Never went a week without changing his sheets.
Never told a little white lie.
Never took anyone to task,
though
he
once
thought
about
it
when
his
boss
accused
him
of
leaving
the
office
early.
Never felt envious of someone else’s success.
Never drank a six-pack
of warm Mickey’s Big Mouths
behind his junior high school.
Never jacked a car, truck, or scooter.
Never left
rude graffiti
on the side
of a church,
or abandoned buildings.
Never jaywalked.
got a speeding ticket,
or a parking ticket.
Never
got
married.
Never
had
children.
Never volunteered to help someone else.
Never considered the existence of something else.
Never considered his opinion to be of any value.
Never
took
a
piss
outside
in
his
yard
in
the
middle
of
the
night.
Never
ate
in
a
restaurant
by
himself.
Never tried sushi, curried goat, moussaka, tripe, durian, lox and bagels, or kimchi.
Never
played
video
games.
Never
played
an
instrument.
Never painted his face camouflage to hunt or play paintball.
Never
went
to
see
ballet, modern dance, or the circus.
Never
stared
into
the
sun, even for a few seconds.
Never
traveled
to
Europe,
China,
Mexico,
Canada,
Pittsburgh,
or the Native American burial grounds
only two hours away.
Never left his hometown,
or his family’s home.
Never put up a bird feeder.
Never put down a pet dog or cat.
Never put in an A/C unit in his bedroom.
Never put out candy on Halloween.
Never blasted music on his record player.
Never invited his neighbors over for a BBQ.
Never slept in a hyperbaric chamber, meditated, or got a massage.
Never
saw
Bigfoot,
UFOs,
small grey aliens,
ghosts,
orbs,
or a drag show.
Never
gambled
on
football,
basketball,
baseball,
tennis,
billiards,
cards,
dice,
or his
future.
Never
thought
he’d
die
alone.
that was awesome! 👏
That song is vibing some movie track. Shop it!!!